She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize