I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
