Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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