Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
