...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
