we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
do nipples grow back?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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