9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
