So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
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I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
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The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
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