Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
