Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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