I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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