He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
