and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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