remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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