I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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