...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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