He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
