someone get that fucking seahorse.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
i now understand why vodka
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
