things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
My penis needs a shock collar
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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