..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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