Umm I'm too high to move.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
