What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
