We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
cat food counts as protein by the way
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
