it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
how does that bad decision feel?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
