Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
