where am i from again
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
