I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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