peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
