he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
