You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize