Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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