its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
