I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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