He uses pillows to masturbate.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
