Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
