my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
