U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Randomize
