I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
