If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
