omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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