i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
