I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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