oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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