I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
