Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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