just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize