So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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