I'm lost and stupid without you.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
