Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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