Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
