also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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