after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
