the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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