I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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