you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life