the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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