sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize