The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
