how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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