I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
