Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
