Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
