Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
