The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
