you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
