I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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