I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
