the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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