What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
