What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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